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If you have lost a loved one to death, you don't have to go through the processes alone. We will walk alongside you through one of life's most difficult experiences.
We serve parish families with funeral planning in the event of a loved one's death or the imminent need to plan for a funeral knowing death is near. Following a loss of a loved one, we remain available to the grieving for support and prayer.
Should you experience the death of a loved one, you are most welcome to contact us directly. However, please know that your Funeral Director of choice will take the responsibility of contacting the parish on your behalf to schedule the Funeral Mass. Once scheduled, the pastor or his pastoral assistant will contact you to answer any immediate questions and to begin a conversation about the process of selecting the passages from the Sacred Scriptures as well as the liurgical hymns that will be proclaimed and sung during the Mass of Christian Burial.
"If we died with him,
we will also live with him" 2 Timothy 2:11
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Reminder Concerning Eulogies at Funerals:
This is a reprint of a notice that was first published by Bishop Thomas Tobin back in May 2015.
The Priests and faithful of the Diocese of Providence are reminded that the liturgical law of the Church clearly prohibits the presentation of eulogies at a Catholic Funeral Mass at any time during the Mass. The law does allow for the presentation of brief “words of remembrance” to be offered by one individual following the closing prayer of the Mass and before the Final Commendation. The decision to allow or not allow “words of remembrance” belongs solely to the pastor who is responsible for the oversight of the liturgy in his parish. The pastor must ensure that if “words of remembrance” are to be presented that they be appropriate and in keeping with the sacred nature of the Mass, both in length and in content. If the pastor cannot do so, then the “words of remembrance” must be omitted.
Comments about Words of Remembrance:
Bereaved families are reminded that “words of remembrance” can be offered without the need to follow any guidelines or be concerned about any restrictions after the final blessing and sending forth have been given at the cemetery or during the collation/gathering that follows the Church’s Rite of Christian Burial.
If words of remembrance are to be delivered at the Mass of Christian Burial in St. Robert Bellarmine Church, family members and friends are reminded of the following guidelines:- Words of remembrance should last approximately five minutes and must be delivered by one person from a prepared and pre-approved text.
- The prepared text must be submitted to the pastor or his pastoral assistant via email at strobertbellarminechurch02919@gmail.com in a timely manner prior to the day of the Funeral Mass.
- Please know that submission of a text does not automatically mean that the person who wishes to speak in church will be afforded the opportunity to do so. Edits or modifications to the text may be necessary.
- The words of remembrance will be delivered following the offering of the Prayer after Communion and before the prayers of Final Commendation.
- When it is the appropriate time, the person who is going to be offering the words of remembrance will be invited forward by the celebrant of the Mass
- The “words of remembrance” at a Mass of Christian Burial should always be made with respect and reverence.
- Language, stories or comments that would not be in good taste in the presence of Christ reserved in the tabernacle must be avoided and will not be permitted.
- In speaking about the deceased person, the following points may be briefly developed: his or her role as a son/daughter, brother/sister, husband/wife; his or her life as a father/mother, grandfather/grandmother, uncle/aunt; his or her contributions to the community at large such as being a good friend/neighbor, a faithful citizen, honorable military service or other civic concerns; his or her walk as a person of faith and hope in Christ, a member of the Church Universal, a member of the parish family; his or her participation in the liturgical and sacramental life of the Church; his or her personal life of prayer; his or her response to the call to put the Gospel Message into action - corporal and spiritual works of mercy; his or her appreciation of and respect for the presence of God in creation and nature; his or her reliance upon faith and hope in Christ in the midst of difficulty, challenge, sorrow and/or illness.
- In preparing the words of remembrance, please be mindful of the following: they must reflect the Catholic faith of the faithful departed and his/her relationship with Jesus Christ and the Church. They must not primarily focus upon the hobbies, cooking, pastimes, sports teams, pets, vices etc. of the deceased.
- If humor is to be used it must be used with discretion and in good taste. The words of remembrance should not be simply a re-reading of the deceased’s obituary. There must be no use of bawdy humor, offensive words, or foul language. Once again, be mindful that the words of remembrance will be offered during Mass before Jesus Christ truly present in the Blessed Sacrament reserved in the tabernacle and should reflect proper reverence and decorum. Please keep in mind that "words or remembrance" should not be trivial, light-hearted or exceedingly humorous but rather reflect the nature of the event, namely Christian faith, hope, peace, joy and love.
- At times, due to the nature of the content of, and underlying reasons for, the particular comments and stories that a family member or friend would like to share, the opportunity to speak at the end of Mass will not be afforded to that person. In such situations, bereaved families are reminded that they always have the opportunity to share whatever they would like following the Committal Prayers at the cemetery or during the meal or other gathering that so often takes place at the conclusion of the Church's Rite of Burial.
An Example of what the Church envisions when she speaks of "Words of Remembrance."
Words of Remembrance
From the moment she was born, my grandmother displayed the strength, resilience, and iron will that would propel her through her extraordinary life. Born in the midst of the Great Depression and spending her formative years listening to the horrors of World War II narrated on the radio, one could have easily forgiven my grandmother had she turned out to be a pessimist, but she was ever the optimist. In 1945, Grandma sustained a severe knee injury after an accident involving a moving car, leading doctors to suggest amputating her leg, but, against all odds, my grandmother persevered. It was simply not in her nature to let something like a badly damaged knee from a freak accident cast a pall over her life. She would not let that injury define her. She would adapt. She would overcome. She trusted that the Lord had more planned for her. And yet, in one of God’s little ironies, that injury did, in a way, define her life. While walking to school in a cast that went from her hips all the way to her ankle, she met a certain charming, black-haired, young Italian with a winning smile who asked if he could carry her books. That simple act of kindness led to a friendship, and, in time, that friendship blossomed into romance, and, thankfully for most of the people seated here who are in existence because of it, that romance, which never faded, led to a marriage of sixty-seven years, six children, six grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren... and counting.
Most of us know this story, but many do not know that even in these early days of their relationship, grandma would have to rely on that iron backbone of hers as she pushed through yet another obstacle in life—her well-meaning but perhaps overly protective parents. Upon learning of grandma’s budding relationship with my grandfather, my great-grandfather was heard to lament “When are we going to get an Irishman in this family?” My great-grandmother purportedly fretted that they were too young, and made her opposition known. Not to be deterred, however, my grandmother and grandfather hatched a plan where they could spend time together each Saturday when the Agnew children were supposed to be going to Confession. They bribed Grandma’s siblings by offering to take them out for ice cream afterwards, so long as they breathed not a word to their parents. Grandma was a woman who knew what she wanted and was willing to go out and get it.
Obviously, the rewards of this particular gambit were profound. Grandma’s children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were the loves of her life. She was the rarest of contradictions: a strong, proud matriarch whose kindness, selflessness, spontaneity, and generosity were nearly boundless. Her children fondly remember all of the little things she did to make them happy, ranging from surprising them after school with outfits she had carefully selected just for them, to trips to Scarborough beach and Allie’s Donuts, cleverly designed to maximize her children’s expenditure of energy so that they would go to bed immediately upon returning home. She was an absolutely extravagant cook, and there are likely people here with pre-diabetes that can attest to the decadence of her blueberry pie, or the unnatural deliciousness of her cupcakes. She had great devotion to the Blessed Mother, and taught all of us how to live a life of Faith. As someone who endured hardship early in life, Grandma was never afraid to give tough advice, or to tell her children that they needed to make some radical changes if they wanted to get anything out of life. I am told that she was pretty blunt if she didn’t care for a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Grandma always did what was best for her family. When my grandfather was injured in a car accident, she didn’t sit back and lament her bad luck. Like she had done so many times before in her life, she adapted. She overcame. In 1974, she became a business-owner, opening a newsstand that would eventually become a deli, and an indelible part of our family’s history. Had she never opened that deli, my mother wouldn’t have met a certain mustachioed Portuguese banker, and my Aunt Adele wouldn’t have found her blue-eyed G-man.
If I had to pick a single memory that sums up everything grandma was, it would be this. It was early 2016, my son had just been born, and my grandparents had migrated to Florida for the winter as was their tradition. At this point, grandma couldn’t really speak anymore and the dementia associated with Parkinson’s had taken hold. We propped grandma up in the recliner at Auntie Annemarie’s condo and carefully—and maybe a little fearfully—placed Anthony on her lap. Something changed in her. Maybe she could feel his soft skin, or smell his baby smell, or maybe she understood when I told her that she was holding her new great-grandson. With what must have been a superhuman effort for her, she opened her eyes and focused on his little head. Her left forearm—grandma was a lefty—stirred and began to move slowly, ever-so-slowly towards the baby in her lap, and as it got closer to him, her hand opened slightly, just enough for her to take his tiny hand in her own. As she held it, her index finger gently caressed it back and forth a few times, as suddenly her voice came alive in two soft, yet distinct words: “So beautiful.” This was my grandmother, distilled to her essence. She was determined. There was nothing in this earth or in the heavens above, not Parkinson’s, dementia, or frailty that was going to stop her from showing her love for that child. Her family was everything.
Her faith, too, was everything. As we mourn her loss, we take comfort in our faith that she is finally free of Parkinson’s disease and is enjoying the eternal reward promised to those who have been consecrated to Christ. In the words of St. Paul from today’s reading, she competed well. She finished the race. She kept the faith. And we will remember and love her always.
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