Funeral and Memorial Services

Reminder Concerning Eulogies at Funerals: 
This is a reprint of a notice that was first published by Bishop Thomas Tobin back in May 2015.    
The Priests and faithful of the Diocese of Providence are reminded that the liturgical law of the Church clearly prohibits the presentation of eulogies at a Catholic Funeral Mass at any time during the Mass. The law does allow for the presentation of brief “words of remembrance” to be offered by one individual following the closing prayer of the Mass and before the Final Commendation. The decision to allow or not allow “words of remembrance” belongs solely to the pastor who is responsible for the oversight of the liturgy in his parish. The pastor must ensure that if “words of remembrance” are to be presented that they be appropriate and in keeping with the sacred nature of the Mass, both in length and in content. If the pastor cannot do so, then the “words of remembrance” must be omitted.

Guidelines for Words of Remembrance:
Bereaved families are reminded that “words of remembrance” can be offered without the need to follow any guidelines or be concerned about any restrictions after the final blessing and sending forth have been given at the cemetery or during the collation/gathering that follows the Church’s Rite of Christian Burial. 
If words of remembrance are to be delivered at the Mass of Christian Burial in St. Robert Bellarmine Church, family members and friends are reminded of the following guidelines:

1. Words of remembrance should last approximately five minutes and must be delivered by one person from a prepared and pre-approved text. 
2. The prepared text must be submitted to the pastor or his pastoral assistant via email at strobertbellarminechurch02919@gmail.com in a timely manner prior to the day of the Funeral Mass.
3. Please know that submission of a text does not automatically mean that the person who wishes to speak in church will be afforded the opportunity to do so. Edits or modifications to the text may be necessary. 
4. The words of remembrance will be delivered following the offering of the Prayer after Communion and before the prayers of Final Commendation.
5. When it is the appropriate time, the person who is going to be offering the words of remembrance will be invited forward by the celebrant of the Mass
6. The “words of remembrance” at a Mass of Christian Burial should always be made with respect and reverence. 
7. Language, stories or comments that would not be in good taste in the presence of Christ reserved in the tabernacle must be avoided and will not be permitted. 
8. In speaking about the deceased person, the following points may be briefly developed: his or her role as a son/daughter, brother/sister, husband/wife; his or her life as a father/mother, grandfather/grandmother, uncle/aunt; his or her contributions to the community at large such as being a good friend/neighbor, a faithful citizen, honorable military service or other civic concerns; his or her walk as a person of faith and hope in Christ, a member of the Church Universal, a member of the parish family; his or her participation in the liturgical and sacramental life of the Church; his or her personal life of prayer; his or her response to the call to put the Gospel Message into action - corporal and spiritual works of mercy; his or her appreciation of and respect for the presence of God in creation and nature; his or her reliance upon faith and hope in Christ in the midst of difficulty, challenge, sorrow and/or illness.
9. In preparing the words of remembrance, please be mindful of the following: they must reflect the Catholic faith of the faithful departed and his/her relationship with Jesus Christ and the Church. They must not primarily focus upon the hobbies, cooking, pastimes, sports teams, pets, vices etc. of the deceased. 
10. If humor is to be used it must be used with discretion and in good taste. The words of remembrance should not be simply a re-reading of the deceased’s obituary. There must be no use of bawdy humor, offensive words, or foul language. Once again, be mindful that the words of remembrance will be offered during Mass before Jesus Christ truly present in the Blessed Sacrament reserved in the tabernacle and should reflect proper reverence and decorum. Please keep in mind that "words or remembrance" should not be trivial, light-hearted or exceedingly humorous but rather reflect the nature of the event, namely Christian faith, hope, peace, joy and love.
11. At times, due to the nature of the content of, and underlying reasons for, the particular comments and stories that a family member or friend would like to share, the opportunity to speak at the end of Mass will not be afforded to that person. In such situations, bereaved families are reminded that they always have the opportunity to share whatever they would like following the  Committal Prayers at the cemetery or during the meal or other gathering that so often takes place at the conclusion of the Church's Rite of Burial. 

From the moment she was born, my grandmother displayed the strength, resilience, and iron will that would propel her through her extraordinary life. Born in the midst of the Great Depression and spending her formative years listening to the horrors of World War II narrated on the radio, one could have easily forgiven my grandmother had she turned out to be a pessimist, but she was ever the optimist. In 1945, Grandma sustained a severe knee injury after an accident involving a moving car, leading doctors to suggest amputating her leg, but, against all odds, my grandmother persevered. It was simply not in her nature to let something like a badly damaged knee from a freak accident cast a pall over her life. She would not let that injury define her. She would adapt. She would overcome. She trusted that the Lord had more planned for her. And yet, in one of God’s little ironies, that injury did, in a way, define her life. While walking to school in a cast that went from her hips all the way to her ankle, she met a certain charming, black-haired, young Italian with a winning smile who asked if he could carry her books. That simple act of kindness led to a friendship, and, in time, that friendship blossomed into romance, and, thankfully for most of the people seated here who are in existence because of it, that romance, which never faded, led to a marriage of sixty-seven years, six children, six grandchildren, and six great-grandchildren... and counting.

Most of us know this story, but many do not know that even in these early days of their relationship, grandma would have to rely on that iron backbone of hers as she pushed through yet another obstacle in life—her well-meaning but perhaps overly protective parents. Upon learning of grandma’s budding relationship with my grandfather, my great-grandfather was heard to lament “When are we going to get an Irishman in this family?” My great-grandmother purportedly fretted that they were too young, and made her opposition known. Not to be deterred, however, my grandmother and grandfather hatched a plan where they could spend time together each Saturday when the Agnew children were supposed to be going to Confession. They bribed Grandma’s siblings by offering to take them out for ice cream afterwards, so long as they breathed not a word to their parents. Grandma was a woman who knew what she wanted and was willing to go out and get it.

Obviously, the rewards of this particular gambit were profound. Grandma’s children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren were the loves of her life. She was the rarest of contradictions: a strong, proud matriarch whose kindness, selflessness, spontaneity, and generosity were nearly boundless. Her children fondly remember all of the little things she did to make them happy, ranging from surprising them after school with outfits she had carefully selected just for them, to trips to Scarborough beach and Allie’s Donuts, cleverly designed to maximize her children’s expenditure of energy so that they would go to bed immediately upon returning home. She was an absolutely extravagant cook, and there are likely people here with pre-diabetes that can attest to the decadence of her blueberry pie, or the unnatural deliciousness of her cupcakes. She had great devotion to the Blessed Mother, and taught all of us how to live a life of Faith.  As someone who endured hardship early in life, Grandma was never afraid to give tough advice, or to tell her children that they needed to make some radical changes if they wanted to get anything out of life. I am told that she was pretty blunt if she didn’t care for a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Grandma always did what was best for her family. When my grandfather was injured in a car accident, she didn’t sit back and lament her bad luck. Like she had done so many times before in her life, she adapted. She overcame. In 1974, she became a business-owner, opening a newsstand that would eventually become a deli, and an indelible part of our family’s history. Had she never opened that deli, my mother wouldn’t have met a certain mustachioed Portuguese banker, and my Aunt Adele wouldn’t have found her blue-eyed G-man.

If I had to pick a single memory that sums up everything grandma was, it would be this. It was early 2016, my son had just been born, and my grandparents had migrated to Florida for the winter as was their tradition. At this point, grandma couldn’t really speak anymore and the dementia associated with Parkinson’s had taken hold. We propped grandma up in the recliner at Auntie Annemarie’s condo and carefully—and maybe a little fearfully—placed Anthony on her lap. Something changed in her. Maybe she could feel his soft skin, or smell his baby smell, or maybe she understood when I told her that she was holding her new great-grandson. With what must have been a superhuman effort for her, she opened her eyes and focused on his little head. Her left forearm—grandma was a lefty—stirred and began to move slowly, ever-so-slowly towards the baby in her lap, and as it got closer to him, her hand opened slightly, just enough for her to take his tiny hand in her own. As she held it, her index finger gently caressed it back and forth a few times, as suddenly her voice came alive in two soft, yet distinct words: “So beautiful.” This was my grandmother, distilled to her essence. She was determined. There was nothing in this earth or in the heavens above, not Parkinson’s, dementia, or frailty that was going to stop her from showing her love for that child. Her family was everything.

Her faith, too, was everything. As we mourn her loss, we take comfort in our faith that she is finally free of Parkinson’s disease and is enjoying the eternal reward promised to those who have been consecrated to Christ. In the words of St. Paul from today’s reading, she competed well. She finished the race. She kept the faith. And we will remember and love her always.
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About Theresa Douglas by her son Gary Douglas
The Measure of a Mom
“The Size of the Love is the size of the loss”....that is true on
this day!
Dad, Annmarie, John, Sheila, Devin, Chase & Brandan.....Uncle
Anthony, cousins, and extended family and friends......The loss is
real......What can we say about the Life of our mom, the life of
Theresa?
This diminutive, fiercely competitive Italian women was an
extraordinary lady, mother, husband, grandmother, aunt,
sister, and friend to a great many! 94 years was a good run....
A real blessing!
A world without our mom, Theresa, is hard to imagine! It will take
all of us individually & collectively to get over this in time, if that is
possible.
Psalm 73:26 perhaps best describes mom’s transition from this
world to eternity: “My health may fail, and my spirit may grow
weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine
forever.”
WHAT IS THE MEASURE OF A MOM.......
A mom is nurturing, loves you unconditionally, and is always
there.....hardest job in the world! Theresa certainly lived up
to those attributes. She was a consummate homemaker,
housekeeper, and even CFO for our family, as evidenced by
her meticulous record keeping even until her last day; she
liked control, perhaps even to a fault, but made our house a
home!
MOM WAS an amazing lady and a paradox at the same time;
She was:
• Short in stature, but long on unconditional love
• Impatient, but compassionate
• Emotionally charged, but had measured faith
• Excitable & Boisterous, yet humble and reserved at times
• Fiercely competitive, but good-natured at the same time
• Contentious & confrontational at times, but loyal &
committed
• A frugal penny-saver, but hugely generous
• Our greatest ally, and biggest critic
DID YOU KNOW..........................
1. As a little girl, she grew up on Lafayette street in Johnston
2. She was the oldest of four children of Joe & Madeline
3. She was a 1946 graduate of Mount Pleasant High School
4. In 1952, she met this great guy in the US Navy
5. She was a devout Catholic....always praying novenas
6. She was a generous benefactor to PETA, BoysTown, St.
Jude, SPCA, American Diabetes Association, Ronald
McDonald House, Animal League, Guiding Eyes for the
Blind, Saving Paws, Disabled American Vets, etc.
7. She looked forward to fall foliage trips
8. She was Tom Brady’s biggest fan (Giselle has nothing on
her)......... and don’t dear bring up Payton Manning!
9. Ted Williams was her idol
10. She was an avid gardener
11. She loved crossword puzzles
12. She was a Social worker
13. She was a bank central proof checker
14. She couldn’t swim & was petrified of water, in fact she
thought pouring hot water in the woods would start a fire?
15. She loved firework shows
16. She didn’t drive a car since the 1970’s
17. She loved playing cards & board games including High-
Low-Jack & Rack-O
18. She loved basset hounds.....
Perhaps two of the most important life changing sacrifices
she made on my behalf was when she went back to work;
she tirelessly worked nights which, together with my dad,
enabled me to go to private schools and enjoy opportunities
that I never would have dreamed of.......
Perhaps my most treasured memory was her selfless act of
generosity in 1998 after the birth of my son, Brandan, to
choose to live with me for four months to help raise him
.....She was there for me during my darkest hour, and for that
I will be eternally grateful.......
Another verse comes to mind that describes this lady:
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7
“Love is Patient...Love is Kind........It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”. –
These words typify who Theresa was.
They say if you want to make God laugh...tell him your plans! My
plan was to spend much more time with my mom for the days,
weeks, and months ahead.
If you were lucky enough to be one of her kids or grandchildren
you had a person in your corner for life....She was fiercely loyal &
competitive!
We will miss her........
She was contentious and confrontational at times, and her use of
mixed metaphors was entertaining, to say the least.......
...her naiveté to worldly matters and wide-eyed, child-like
approaches to Christmas and holidays was fun.
But......more importantly, she was real, genuine, honest, and
loyal and our greatest ally......what more could we have asked
for...... I was privileged to be called her my mom
She walked this earth for 94 years...... gave my dad 68
years...and made our house a home, Although she grew tired at
the end, ........Take heart, she waits no more! She is in her
rightful place.....she has earned her rest for eternity.
I’ll leave you with a special blessing for my mom:
“May flowers always line your path
And sunshine light your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that’s always blue.
And may happiness fill your heart each day your whole life
Through.” Godspeed, Mom!
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About Carmela Prattico by her grandson Vince Prattico
On behalf of my father Vinny, my aunt Cynthia, the grandkids and great grandkids we would like to thank you all for gathering here today to remember our beloved Carmela. Or as my cousins would call her Puggy and my brother and I referred to her in our house as “little grandma”. Whilst it is true she was physically petite, in reality she was a giant presence in our lives.
How could she not be, she made it to the age of 104!?! To put that in perspective between 1918 and 2023 she out lasted 39 countries, two world wars, two global pandemics, the great depression, and the cold war. In 1918 the US population was 103 million, the life expectancy was 53, and women didn’t have the right to vote. Today the population is 331 million, the average life expectancy is 78, and good luck trying to take the vote from Carmela, she'd fix them. Either way that’s not bad for a little old lady from Johnston RI.

In all seriousness we will always remember her as the mother, grandmother, and great grandmother that was always there when you needed her. Most importantly with food, the food was very important.

When my dad and aunt were growing up in Johnston she made sure her kids had what they required. Whether that was handmade gowns for school formals or homemade meatball sandwiches that were the envy of all the other students in the cafeteria. She was also there to teach them some of life’s harder lessons with yardstick in hand.

Much later in life that also meant being available for her grandkids. When my cousins Lauren and Greg finished a school day, Carmela would always be there waiting to greet them with food and hugs. True to form Carmela was also around when my parents needed to take a vacation and leave my brother and I at home. I can only speak for myself, but I will make the ambitious assumption that all grandkids and great grandkids kids have similar memories and feelings thinking about her. She taught us how to make the best Christmas cookies, the most delicious broccoli rabe with chicken cutlets, the art of gravy and meatballs, and perhaps not quite how to replicate her apple pie. Some secrets she was determined to take to the grave.

To me the combination of her food and stories are what helped her pass on so much wisdom and tradition. Who can forget the excitement in her voice when she would speak about her father, the barber, and his magical shop in downtown Providence. Or the adventures of Carmela and Olga roaming the mean streets of a Providence long since passed. Personally, I much preferred the stories when they were kids buying pasta on the hill. Once she got into talking about the 30s it was either the post pasta dinner wine speaking, or her sister, or most likely a combination of the two... some stories the grandkids don't want to think about. Most notably any story where the grand relatives refer to themselves as the bosom sisters. Either way it was hard for me to fathom that my grandmother was at some point a young person just like us.

And we, or at least I forget, her longevity helped her live multiple lives. First as a young woman with her husband starting a family in Johnston, later as a widow and grandmother in the 90s, and finally as a great grandmother and consoler to my family when my own mother passed away 10 years ago. That experience and wisdom helped her be exactly where she needed to be for all of us regardless of the situation.
There isn’t much else for me to say about her. Carmela lived, was loved, and will always live on. Whether it’s at Christmas and we break out her cookie recipes, or when we rake our yards and complain about acorns, and when we curl-up in a hand knitted Carmela blanket. Which by the way grandma, if you’re listening you still have to finish Mia’s.

In closing it is safe to say that because of all the lessons grandma passed on, we will be just fine. We also know that you are now, like always, right where you need to be. Surrounded by family and friends who have been missing you for a long time. So grandma you better stay out of trouble up there and for gosh sakes I sincerely hope you aren’t listening to this. You have way too many people you need to be catching up with instead. Grandma we love you and will see you again.
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About Gaye Petrillo by her grandson Nicholas Petrillo
Thank you all for being here today as we gather to remember my grandmother, Gaye.
Given how remarkable of a person she was to us all, words alone could never perfectly capture the essence
of such a wonderful human being. But here goes nothing.
She was truly an unforgettable woman. At every gathering, you knew when Gaye had arrived.
With her nails and makeup perfectly colored to match her outfit of the day, she lit up every room
she walked into. She could effortlessly strike up a conversation with anyone, and had plenty of
stories to tell, especially about her sons and grandchildren, who she was extremely proud of.
Family was at the center of her life. I remember so many stories about her working up to three
jobs at a time to help support her family. Her apartment was adorned with dozens and dozens of
pictures of every family member. She was always just a phone call away to watch me, my sister,
and my cousins when we were little. She also took care of my great grandparents when they were
older. Her seven siblings held a special place in heart as well, and I’m sure she’s happy to be
reunited with her sisters Carol and Sheila and brother Franny in the kingdom of heaven. She was
a woman of faith and believed that God has a plan for everyone. She prayed often and was at
peace with the idea of meeting God and entering into eternal life.
My grandmother was one of the most special people in my life and I’m forever thankful for the
memories we shared. From counting all of the elephant trinkets she had in her apartment to
helping her put so many puzzles together, I have nothing but fond memories with her from my
childhood. I always believed her little superstitions like how it was bad luck to do laundry on
New Year’s Day. I’ll remember her karaoke rendition of “These Boots are Made for Walking” at
one Fourth of July party. I’ll remember the interesting Christmas gifts she gave, which were
unique to say the least. She was a true character who made us laugh harder than we thought
possible. She will always serve as my permanent reminder to not take myself too seriously.
In addition to the importance of having fun and enjoying life’s little moments, she taught us so
many critical life lessons. For one, I learned from her the importance of perseverance. She
overcame many losses and obstacles in her life, including battling several health complications.
But even with the struggles she endured, she continued to live her life to the fullest. She was also
very independent and always echoed sentiments of standing up for what you believe in. The most
important lesson she gave us, however, is to always remind your family how much you love
them. She never said goodbye without giving you a kiss on the cheek and saying that she loved
you. I’ll forever cherish the time I spent with her and will never forget how loving, spirited, and
one-of-a-kind she was. Rest in peace Gramma Gaye, we love you.
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About Eleanor Avella by her granddaughter Kylie Capaldo
Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, We gather here today to remember and celebrate the life of a truly remarkable woman, my grandmother, Eleanor. She was a beacon of love, strength, and wisdom, whose memory we will carry with us forever. Born in Providence, Rhode Island, in 1935, Eleanor was raised in a warm, loving family, along with her sister, Virginia. From her early years, she demonstrated an innate kindness and compassion that would define her life. In 1954, Eleanor married her soulmate, Ralph "Mickey" M. Avella, and together, they embarked on a beautiful journey, raising two wonderful children, Ralph and Donna. Their love for one another and their family was a testament to the power of devotion and commitment. As a grandmother, Eleanor was a guiding light in my life. Her presence was a constant source of comfort, and I was fortunate enough to spend countless hours in her loving care. She was always there for me, picking me up from school, waiting for me at the bus stop, and ensuring that we enjoyed our time together. Eleanor's love extended beyond her family, as she had a special place in her heart for animals. Her compassion and patience knew no bounds, and she dedicated herself to their care and well-being. Eleanor was a woman of great character. She was strong, persistent, and generous. Though she was short in stature, her heart was immense, and her love for her family was unconditional. She had a beautiful spirit that radiated warmth, much like the sun she enjoyed sitting under. Her faith was a cornerstone of her life, and she cherished her time at church, attending feasts, and connecting with her spiritual community. Eleanor's dedication to her work was also remarkable, as she spent many years working at an optometrist office with her daughter, Donna. Eleanor had a gift for giving great advice, always with a compassionate tone. She knew when to offer support and when to gently let you know you were wrong. Her wisdom and insight enriched our lives, and her love for her family was unwavering. As we remember Eleanor today, let us celebrate her life and the immeasurable impact she had on all who knew her. Her legacy lives on through the love she shared, the lives she touched, and the memories we will cherish. Rest in peace, Grandma Eleanor. Your light will continue to shine brightly within our hearts, and we will forever be grateful for the time we shared with you.
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About Virginia Neves Gonsalves by her niece and goddaughter Aurendina "Dina" Gonsalves Veiga
Virginia Neves Gonsalves, Titi, Iuca
Matthew 25:40
 “And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did for me. '”
I am Aurendina Isabel Gonsalves Veiga, Dina, Titi’s brother Jose’s daughter and her goddaughter. She claimed she named me.
 On behalf of our family, thank you to all of you for your prayers, kindness and love for Titi. 
On August 14, 1939 my aunt came into this world in Brava, Cabo Verde.  She always said I was born beautiful and I will die beautiful. She never said that in between she would be an example for all of us on how to live the corporal and spiritual works of mercy.  Her faith was her rock that led her to helping people all over the world forever.
As a child she and her mother came to Newport, RI to live with my grandfather and dad.  She started a journey that was truly amazing.  I will never forget going to mass, in Latin, at St. Joseph’s Church in Newport. I turned around to look at the clock, and she told me to never do that in church and to keep my eyes on Christ.
She was a graduate of Rogers High School class of 1958 and Salve Regina College class of 1962.  I actually have memories of that day.  My brother and I also graduated from Salve. She was so proud of her schools and funded scholarships at both schools. Upon graduating from Salve, she went to Honduras as a missionary.  She returned when her father became ill and started her teaching career where she touched so many students. Then she went on to earn her Masters from University of Wisconsin and Marquette University.
Titi was involved in so many projects her entire life. Projects that were about social justice.
She lived her life by the corporal and scriptural works of mercy.
Feeding the hungry: Christmas gifts were always donations to various organizations that provided food to families in different parts of the world. Not sure the children understood the importance of their gifts.
Give drink to the thirsty: Funding clean water projects in various locations.
Shelter the homeless: providing housing to the people in Cape Verde.
Clothed the naked: sending clothes to children in Cape Verde and thru charities here in the diocese of Providence especially the Project Gabriel.
Visited the sick: an Extraordinary Minister of the Eucharist in nursing homes.   If you were ever in the hospital, she was there to check on you.
Visited the imprisoned:  This one was major.  If you were in a bad place, she could see it and would be there to remind you that you need to be strong and look to Christ, pray and you will be set free.
Bury the dead:  Every year, memorial Day, she visited every gravesite of family and friends to place flowers.  Never mind the number of wakes and funerals she attended.
Being a Mercy Girl/Woman every one of the spiritual works were a part of her daily life.  Titi went to mass everyday and if she couldn’t go in person she watched on TV.
Technology/Computerization was not a part of her life.  Can you believe she had a flip phone and hardly used it?  - and would refuse to learn anything on a computer!  Titi wanted to see people and share conversations in person.
Therefore, always remember she loved all of you, prayed for you and will continue to be there for you.  I believe she Is not lost. She is with family, friends and Jesus.